I stand besides my window watching the sky fall down, Drop By Drop.

The clouds thunder, as if calling me. If I turn, I feel they almost pat me. I ignore them. it throws lightening at me, as if i cant hear. I ignore them. I let it seep in me. Drop By Drop.

Why is it raining out of season? I know they came looking for me. Like always. To cry with me or rather to make me cry, once more. They never left me alone. I ignore them. But they seep inside me Drop By Drop.

My heart is unable to keep up with my non chalant ways and it sinks. I feel choked, suffocated but i don't show it on my face. All the memories came alive in front of my eyes. Everything - Drop By Drop.

I'm angry now. I stare at the clouds. Go away. It starts pouring heavily. As if they know I'm angry. They get what they wanted. My pain through my eyes - Drop By Drop.

ख़ामोशी

क्योँ नहीं सवाल इन आँखों में, कभी पुछा क्योँ नहीं,
क्योँ दूर हो गए तुम यूँ, न पुछा हमने कभी,
ये साथ है जब तो, क्योँ सन्नाटा चीखता है कान में,
क्योँ दिल भूल जाता है की कोई और भी रहता है इस मकान में.

क्योँ आंखें आँखों को देख कर कुछ कहती नहीं,
क्योँ बातें पहले की तेरह अब बहती नहीं,
क्योँ सुनने से पहले ही तुम थक जाते हो,
क्योँ गले लगने से पहले ही हम रुक जाते है,

ख़ामोशी है बस, एक ख़ामोशी है लम्बी सी
दिल, ऑंखें, बातें, सब चीज़ें है संभली सी
इतने सालों बाद भी कुछ पराया सा अहसास है,
आज भी तुझ में हमें 'एक दोस्त' की तलाश है

I’m turning 30

Okay, I was scared of you and I didn’t want you to come
But I know I can’t avoid you and the worries I wanted to shun
They say if you can’t avoid it why not try and accept.
So here dear 30 I’m all ready, to adapt.

I promise to be wise but not give up on fun,
Stand to face the storm and not try to run.
To be more organized but not at the cost of sanity,
I will be more sober and try to give up on vanity

I’m ready for those lines on my face,
And promise to take them up with grace.
And no more men gazing at me with veneration,
So I happily leave the way for the next generation.

Changed

He said while driving : "Pihu Pihu Pihu...." ( a kidish sound she used to make when she needed pampering n cuddling)
"You don't do it anymore . You've actually changed."
She said : "yes I have." But she wanted to say ' I have become lonely'
How sometimes you fail to see the emptiness in the eyes of people you live with but make every effort to understand the rest of the world.

It ain't love

Its not love but a desire to be loved, an ego to be satisfied, a devil to be fed, a triumph to be achieved.... which when not achieved leaves me like a fish without water.

Feelings i share.

Talking to him is a part of me now. I talk to him while I'm driving, walking, watching TV, lying before sleeping, before i get up from bed.... and almost all the time.

I tell him all small and big things. Things which make me what i am. The silliest of encounters and the biggest of events. I tell him what i felt when i was standing in front of god. How i felt when i met my childhood Friend. What i feel about my parents and there childhood stories. ... its a continuous conversation where i keep telling him whatever touches me.. sharing every bit and piece.

But in reality he knows nothing bout any of this ... B'coz we never really talked about it. sometimes it feels there are two people- one i live with and another with whome i share every thing with. I love both of them dearly.

Sometimes I fail to understand what kind of bond is this? Why do i share everything with him and yet not tell him anything.

On thinking about it seriously i feel i share everything with him b'coz i love him and want to share everything with him. and i don't tell him anything b'coz i feel he might not value my feelings as much as i do and it might hurt me.

I don't know if its good or bad.... but this is the way it is.

My hero

It feels terrible when you see your hero going from bad to worse. Yes he was my hero .. one who would never go wrong... who has a reason for everything... who was Mr. right... i always wanted to grow up like him.

Today when i met him after so many years i saw a totally different man ... a Man with no values .. a man with fake attitude .. no maturity .. no humbleness... a cheat ... a man not at all like my hero....

the strange thing is that i'm not angry ... m sad .. am embarrassed ... i feel as if i have done something wrong .. as if i did all his crimes...

He would never know what he did to me.... how he killed my childhood hero.

and it will always hurt when ever i will go back in my memory lane i will see him; my hero ... and realize how very wrong i was....

It hurts to even come face to face with him. i do not wish to see him any more... i do not wish to even complain....

'I will just let you go.... away from my life'

- thats my punishment.