It ain't love

Its not love but a desire to be loved, an ego to be satisfied, a devil to be fed, a triumph to be achieved.... which when not achieved leaves me like a fish without water.

Feelings i share.

Talking to him is a part of me now. I talk to him while I'm driving, walking, watching TV, lying before sleeping, before i get up from bed.... and almost all the time.

I tell him all small and big things. Things which make me what i am. The silliest of encounters and the biggest of events. I tell him what i felt when i was standing in front of god. How i felt when i met my childhood Friend. What i feel about my parents and there childhood stories. ... its a continuous conversation where i keep telling him whatever touches me.. sharing every bit and piece.

But in reality he knows nothing bout any of this ... B'coz we never really talked about it. sometimes it feels there are two people- one i live with and another with whome i share every thing with. I love both of them dearly.

Sometimes I fail to understand what kind of bond is this? Why do i share everything with him and yet not tell him anything.

On thinking about it seriously i feel i share everything with him b'coz i love him and want to share everything with him. and i don't tell him anything b'coz i feel he might not value my feelings as much as i do and it might hurt me.

I don't know if its good or bad.... but this is the way it is.

My hero

It feels terrible when you see your hero going from bad to worse. Yes he was my hero .. one who would never go wrong... who has a reason for everything... who was Mr. right... i always wanted to grow up like him.

Today when i met him after so many years i saw a totally different man ... a Man with no values .. a man with fake attitude .. no maturity .. no humbleness... a cheat ... a man not at all like my hero....

the strange thing is that i'm not angry ... m sad .. am embarrassed ... i feel as if i have done something wrong .. as if i did all his crimes...

He would never know what he did to me.... how he killed my childhood hero.

and it will always hurt when ever i will go back in my memory lane i will see him; my hero ... and realize how very wrong i was....

It hurts to even come face to face with him. i do not wish to see him any more... i do not wish to even complain....

'I will just let you go.... away from my life'

- thats my punishment.

Thank You.

How do i thank you enough

for being by my side

For looking into my eyes

and holding my hand tight.

For letting me cry

when I felt so weak

For healing my wounds

when it had cut so deep

For that short tight hug

when nothing worked my way

Just sitting by my side

when there was nothing left to say

You are m strength, my will

my hope and and support

My living angel

who'll get me through this all.

Nothing last forever.

Over a period of time it did wilt away, unable 2 keep the promise of blooming for all the times to come. She saw it fade away day after day. Before the next spring starts she wants to bid farewell to it but is not able to gather the strength. Then one day when she was sure to leave, to bury it in a nearby lake, she sat with it to take a look at the memory lane. How it came to her, made her days cheerful changed her life. How without a word there was this impossible promise to stay together forever...
Today before saying the final good bye she said '' thanks, m sorry we could not keep the promise but u brought a lot of happiness to my life. I will miss u. good bye''

माँ

याद है आज भी वो बचपन प्यारा
वो डगमगाते कदमो को तेरी ऊँगली का सहारा
हर मुश्किल के सागर में तेरी ममता का किनारा,
चाहे पापा की डांट हो या सोलह का पहाडा.

वो खेल कूद के थक के घर आना
'मम्मी भूख लगी' जोर से चिलाना
वो लस्सी, वो मठरी और आम का आचार,
तेरे हाथो का जादू, उसपर तेरी ममता और प्यार,

जब दोस्तों से लड़ के मैं कमरे में रोती
तुम बिना कुछ पूछे मेरे पास बैठी होती,
जब कभी हार के मैं घर वापस आती,
तुम मेरे लिए सबसे अच्छा खाना बनाती.

मेरी हर जीत में, मेरी हर हार में,
मेरे हर छोटे बड़े राज में,
कभी कुछ कहके कभी कहे बिना,
तुम मेरे साथ थी हर हाल में.

मेरी सहेली, मेरी गुरु, मेरी शान हो तुम,
मेरी राह मेरी दिशा मेरी आधार हो तुम,
ममता का सागर आपार हो तुम,
मेर जीवन का सार हो तुम.

With arms wide open

.

With arms wide open I'm waiting for you.
I've made your bed with dreams which i wish comes true.

You've given my life a whole new meaning.
How my life will be with you, is all I'm dreaming.

I will tell you stories and will sing for you the most beautiful songs
Will show you the world, all rights and all wrongs.

I will teach you not to win but never to give up in life.

The joy of earning a thing and the worthlessness of getting it in rife.

I will hide you in my arms, whenever you get scared
and strengthen you to face the challenge again.

I will guide you in every step of your life till god has given me time.
I wish you a beautiful life and like the stars may you shine.

One early morning feeling

A strange feeling of nothingness,
neither good nor bad,
a stillness, continuous numbness,
neither happy nor sad.

Sitting in my balcony, staring at the horizon,
n0thing to do, nowhere go,
I dont want anyone to break this trance
i need no company for sometime more.

Is it satisfaction or is it emptiness?
or both blend into one?
it doesn't really matter today
as i care to understand none

In few hours life will start its usual course,
and i will be lost in the day,
I will not bother to think about myself
in so much of detail.